Unless the Lord builds the house…

Every once in a while when I’m praying, the Spirit leads me to take something I’ve prayed about and to share it. I don’t know who is going to read these words. No clue who God is telling me to make this post for. Frankly, it’s not any of my business. God’s word in 1 Samuel 15:22 says “to obey is better than sacrifice.” So here I am obeying.

This morning I prayed several verses:

Psalm 33:4 “For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness.”

Numbers 23:19 “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”

Psalm 127:1-2 “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain…2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”

Matthew 6:31-33 “³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Today, what these verses all had in common for me and what I was prompted to share is this: as believers, children of God, those washed and cleansed by the precious blood of Jesus, we exist in this world to make a difference for him. We are his kingdom stewards. As Dr. Tony Evans says we are to use the time, talents and treasures he blesses us with to honor him and to do his kingdom’s work on earth.

I was reminded that I labor to build in vain if and when I forget that it is God who builds the house. NOT me.

I’m kicking off my career as an indie writer and publisher with a new romance series, The Grande Pearl. These last few months I have been absorbing everything I can—reading books and articles, listening to podcasts and taking classes—about what it takes to be a successful indie writer and publisher.

All practical and helpful advice I can apply to my journey to give it the best chance at succeeding. However, I’ve been so overwhelmed by how much it takes to make this happen that I’ve been working before the sun comes up and then back at it again in the evenings after my day work. I would get up at 5am and not go to sleep until 1am or 2am. Driving myself to the point where I was getting physically sick, not to mention mentally and emotionally. It’s the “anxious toil” spoken of in Psalm 127.

Yes, I am supposed to work diligently. But I’m not supposed to work in panic mode, fretting and worrying about all the things that can go wrong. Stressing that the work I’m doing will never be successful. Forgetting to put God and his kingdom first. And not making time to nurture the relationships and the people that God’s put in my life.

That kind of work means I’ve forgotten who is in charge. I’ve forgotten who is the true builder. It means I’m thinking that things fail or succeed by my own feeble efforts. They don’t. Because I was thinking they do, I haven’t been getting the rest God promises to his beloved. The physical and mental rest that happens when you body gets the proper amount of good sleep. I haven’t been able to shut my brain off with the worries of everything *I* need to do.

These last few weeks God has been moving in me to repent of my sin of fear, anxiety, worry that all stem from not trusting him as the builder. That are the result of me falsely believing (though not by words, but definitely by action) I sit on the throne of my life instead of God. That I lead me. I don’t, thankfully.

Today, the reminder to me and the reminder that God wanted me to share with you is that he will honor his word to give us rest if we will remember that he alone is the builder. He will honor our labor if we work trusting that it’s not us who determine what succeeds and what doesn’t. We need to work believing that he will move things according to his will and that his will is actually best. He sees our entire future, not just the slice of today that we do. More importantly, he directs our future. Just like he did our past and he does our present.

He will honor his word to us to build the house he knows we need if we will seek first his kingdom and his righteousness.

My prayer for you, my fellow writers, my fellow builders who are right now laboring in vain, is to ask God to help you let him be God.

Ruby Bridges: Get to Know the Girl Who Took a Stand for Education

This will come as no surprise to other writers but, depending on the topic, the research period for a book can be emotionally draining.

Spending weeks poring over historical documents that showcased America’s history of blatant SANCTIONED racial hatred was emotionally exhausting.

How do you, as a grown adult, justify making and carrying a coffin with a little black doll to intimidate a SIX-year-old from getting an education? How do you justify waking up every morning to line up outside of her school to spew hate and make death threats?

What was (and still is) the most heartbreaking for me is that 58 years after Ruby became the first black student to integrate an elementary school in the South, education inequity and inequality (in so many states) is probably worse now than then. And will deteriorate even more with Betsy DeVos continuing as Education Secretary.

But there’s hope. Ruby’s story is a reminder that change can be made if there are people willing to be uncomfortable. I say uncomfortable because real systemic changes will never happen if we’re not willing to speak up, stand up, and fight even when it threatens our happy and cozy existence.

I’m thankful that I get to share her story with a new generation of children who will hopefully go forth and make their own mark for justice. Click here to buy the book.

You Have as Many Hours in a Day as Beyonce

Earlier this week Beyoncé turned 37. She celebrated her best life in Italy surrounded by her loved ones! Pink is her color. She’s glowing!

She took to Instagram to reflect on her many accomplishments in the past year, including shutting down Coachella mere months after giving birth to twins.

The Beyhive, of course, were already out in full force singing the praises of their Queen. Several shared an old meme to jokingly remind us how far short we’ve fallen of Bey’s greatness.

Others in the past (usually in the creative and entrepreneurship space) have shared the same meme not as a joke but as a tool to motivate. I understand those fellow entrepreneurs and creatives have good intentions. They want to encourage others (and themselves) to strive for more and to do better.

However, it is annoying. Yes, we all have 24 hours in a day (although I would argue Bey’s money buys her the help that frees up more of her time). And yes, Bey’s success is probably worlds above what we’ve managed to achieve (even if we’re of similar age).

Bey’s achievements are incredible, but they do not negate what the rest of us have accomplished. Our accomplishments are also valuable.

Why should we be shamed into believing that our not reaching Bey-level success has to do with a lack of drive, focus, or hard work? Why the comparison? Why the put-down?

We shouldn’t. There’s no reason for the comparison or for the put-down.

As I’ve had to do for me, I urge you to appreciate every effort that you’re making even if they don’t (yet or ever) return Bey-level results. Those early mornings and late nights. Those weekends. All those hours that you’re putting in matter.

And as you think of what’s ahead, the only person you should be in competition with is you.

You’ve got this!

Thank You, First Lady Michelle Obama

I recently penned an article for Ebony magazine celebrating Michelle Obama’s service as the First Lady of the United States. Below is the article in its entirety as well as the link: Thank You, First Lady Michelle Obama

As his historic presidency draws to a close, there’s much to reflect on the legacy of President Obama. And just as importantly, there’s much to reflect on the legacy of First Lady Michelle Obama. In her sista-friend interview with Oprah Winfrey at the recent United State of Women summit, Mrs. Obama looked back on her journey to the White House and how she initially approached her future role as First Lady of the United States: “I specifically did not read other First Ladies’ books, because I didn’t want to be influenced by how they defined the role,” she said. “I knew that I would have to find this role very uniquely and specifically to me and who I was.”

Sage advice that, unfortunately, prospective FLOTUS-in-training Melania Trump failed to heed. Mrs. Trump, who made her long awaited public debut Monday night at the Republican National Convention, delivered a riveting speech that thrilled the packed arena of “Make America Great Again” supporters. Motivating statements such as, “We want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them,” prompted the crowd to erupt in cheers. Many likely thinking, finally, a First Lady who genuinely cares about the future of America; something that could never be said of Michelle Obama.

Oh, but it could. In fact, at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, Mrs. Obama practically gave the same speech. A speech that she more than lived up to in her eight years of service to this country. Sadly, no one told Mrs. Trump that you can plagiarize words but not the genuine sentiments behind them.

Mrs. Obama, as a person and as First Lady, resonates with many because of her authenticity. This has been echoed in countless conversations I’ve had with others over the last eight years and the recent formal survey of about 60 Black women across the country. As 34-year-old Michelle J., of Austin, TX stated, “She was open about her real life experiences in a world of politics where everyone pretends that their lives are without flaws.”

The survey gave voice to women ranging in age from 20s to 60s, and with educational attainment of high school diploma/GED to PhD. With such vast differences in demographics, it was interesting to see the trends that emerged: optimism, relatability, and “realness.”

When asked to rate (on a scale of ‘strongly disagree’ to ‘strongly agree’) various statements about the First Lady and why they relate to her, the following were the most consistently agreed or strongly agreed upon:

·       88% said she has made them (more) optimistic about the future of Black/African-American women.

·       82% said that because of her, other races/nationalities perceive Black/African-American women in a more favorable light.

They relate to her because:

·       92% – she’s Black.

·       96% – she’s stylish.

·       98% – she’s no-nonsense.

·       98% – she’s not afraid to speak her mind.

·       98% – she can go from the White House to a cookout and not miss a step.

·       96% – in her they see all the things that are possible for themselves.

·       96% – in her they see all the things that are possible for Black/African-American girls and teens.

·       90% – in her they see all the things that are possible for Black/African-American women.

In the words of 37-year-old Nikki F. from Chicago, Il (Mrs. Obama’s hometown), “She represents everything our [Black girls] parents taught us that we could be.”

It’s not easy being the first, however. It’s harder still to be the first in a role that you wouldn’t have chosen for yourself. As the First Lady has stated, “When Barack was talking about running, I was like, are you crazy? I mean, would you just, like, chill out and do something else with your life?” Clearly, the woman was not clamoring for the limelight. Given the choice, she would have lived a fulfilling life tirelessly working to encourage and bring attention to the need for all Americans – especially our youth – to dedicate time to volunteerism and public service.

Thankfully for us, she changed her mind and joined her husband in bringing a “change we can believe in” dream to America. So, in 2009, when her husband was sworn in as the country’s 44^th President, we welcomed her with open arms because she presented her authentic self. And because of the connection to her authenticity, we invited her to make us proud; she did not disappoint.

As the first and only (and if we’re being realistic – likely last . . . for a very long time) Black woman to hold this post, Mrs. Obama has exemplified excellence both in words and action. While many love her, there’s a special kinship most Black women feel toward her. It’s not just because she looks like us (although it’s clearly a meaningful fact, according to the survey); it goes so much deeper than that. It’s that she’s made no apologies for the fact that we matter to her. An anomaly in a country where being Black and female has historically meant being discounted, marginalized, and defeated.

As recently as the 2015 Black Women in the United States report, statistics show that the current state of Black American women remain grim:

·       Women’s unemployment fell to a six-year low (4.9%) and white women’s unemployment hit a seven-year low (4.2%). Completely counter to that trend, Black women’s unemployment actually ticked up, reaching 8.9%.

·       Black women with Bachelor’s degrees, on average, earn about $10,000 less than White men with an Associate’s degree ($49,882 vs. $59,014). In fact, it would take nearly two Black women college graduates to earn what the average White male college graduate earns by himself ($55,804 vs. $100, 620).

·       In spite of consistently leading all women in labor market participation, Black women are among the most likely in America to be poor. In fact, the poverty rate of Black women (25.1%) more than doubles that of White women (10.3%) and Asian women (11.5%), and slightly eclipses that of Latinas (24.8%).

In the face of harsh statistics and the personal challenges experienced by Black women, is it any wonder that we “beam with pride” for one who encourages her daughters, mentees, and other women of color “not to live by the limited box and definition that we are put in.” Because she knows that expectations for Black girls – whether they grow up on Chicago’s South Side or in a remote village in Nigeria – are limited, Mrs. Obama created initiatives such as “Let Girls Learn” to provide educational opportunities that change lives.

During her tenure, Mrs. Obama has shown a willingness to leveraged her platform of power and influence to make it possible to aim and achieve our potential, which is why we say thank you.

Below are sample voices of Black women sharing the importance of the First Lady to them:

“She represents everything I can be that the world doesn’t want me to be.” – Lauren W., 27, New Orleans, La

“Michelle matters to me because she breaks the stereotypical views of African-American women in not only America but the world! For 8 years, she has held the position of First Lady, while also wearing so many other hats – a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a philanthropist, an educator and so much more. She’s held her composure at all times with poise, class and humility. She’s addressed issues that most women in her position wouldn’t or know how to. It makes me proud to say the First Lady of America is Michelle Obama, an African American woman.” – Anon, 28, Valley Stream, NY

“First Lady Michelle Obama matters to me because she is great role model for me as an African American woman but also just as a person in general. My being young may have something to do with it, but I’ve never known a First Lady who was so involved issues that are affecting our youth and that inspires me to do more for my community. I also look up to her for her poise and natural confidence. Unlike a lot of celebrities, Michelle Obama provides a healthy and attainable example of what hard work can accomplish.” – Anon, 29

“Michelle Obama matters to me because she has proven to be everything that I expected her to be. She is a woman of stature, grace, beauty, brains and a mother. She has shown that she isn’t just a First Lady, she is an everyday woman who we of all ages can look up to and strive to be more like.” –  Kimberley T., 29, Bronx, NY

“Because she is the perfect example of a Black woman. We are not only what the media and society portrays (uneducated, loud, ratchet) she is someone that i can point out to my 

daughter to inspire to one day be.” – Tanaya G., 33, Cleveland, OH

“Michelle Obama matters to me because of her intersections: Black woman, mother, lawyer, advocate, wife. She is also sensitive, outspoken, loving and unafraid to me vulnerable.” – Erica C., 34, Queens, NY

“The First Lady matters to me in so many ways. The strongest strength I draw from her though is her ability to pull through authenticity and genuineness and whatever she does. Often African-American women are put in tough, precarious even soul sucking positions to grow professionally. Watching Mrs. Obama deal with the ridicule while staying true to who she is has taught me so much about how I can also do the same and still feel good about myself.” – Allison R., 34, New York, NY

“Because she gets it. The experience of a Black woman in America. I don’t know if anyone with that level of power and access to power in the US has ever understood that experience.” – Rachel H., 34, New York, NY

“The FLOTUS matters to me because I admire her strength in a position where she has constantly been criticized, belittled, and stereotyped. Never, not even for one second, has she stumbled or lost her composure. She has remained the classy, sophisticated, honest, and down to earth woman who stepped onto the campaign trail so many years ago. As we well know, beside every great man is an equally great woman and First Lady Obama has been a shining example of what black excellence looks like. I beam with pride when I see her. She makes me feel like so many things are possible that I once wasn’t sure were. She’s a hope and a dream set to a smooth beat.” – Shamela B., 36, Tupelo, MS

“Simply put: she represents hope.” – Kimberly T., 39, Indianapolis, IN

If there’s truly something you want to do in the world, you can’t be satisfied until you do it. —Ray Charles pic.twitter.com/eoNXdfDWBq

— The First Lady (@FLOTUS) February 25, 2016

“She is a role model that our daughters can actually relate to. My worry is not so much for my peers as it is for our future young leaders. I am the mother to one teenage daughter and aunt to 8 young girls. As Black women we need more than a village to prepare our young women for their futures.” – Elita Celeste H, 41, Bronx, NY

“FLOTUS means a great deal to me because she showed how elegant and sophisticated one can be without coming from a pedigree background. She did it her way! She did not conform to any set of rules or standards but presented a new level of exceptional quality that will be very hard for the next First Lady to achieve. FLOTUS is my SHERO!!” – Alfreda M., 45, Dallas, TX

“Michelle has dispelled the media’s portrayal of the Black woman as being uneducated, jobless, hopeless, worthless, baby-mommas that mooch off of the government and give birth to criminals and gangster rappers.” – Lee H.

“First Lady Michelle Obama matters to me because she represents all of what any and all African American women can be. She breaks down many stereotypes and proves what can happen when one gets a good education and does not settle for just what one is given; she strives for better. She proves if we as African American women/girls put our minds to it, we can do and be anything we want. She also matters to me because she is not content with her own successes. She does her best to help other be successful as well.” – Katrina

“She defies the stereotype that Black women cannot articulate a thought or plan of action. Her actions are selfless and demonstrate a passionate desire for the children in our nation to have a great future that is limitless.” – Amika K.

It’s a powerful reflection of her legacy to see the many women she’s encouraged and motivated to hope and work for a better future for themselves and the teens and girls coming behind them.  So, thank you, Mrs. Obama, for connecting with us in a way that no other First Lady ever has before (or likely ever will).

 

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you!

When was the last time you attempted something that hurled you from your comfort zone? How about something that shoved you out of your safe and comfortable bubble? Or maybe something that gave you a slight nudge out of your big-fish-small-pond reality?

If it took you longer to answer these questions than it does for Kanye to have a meltdown, it’s probably time for a new challenge.

Here are 3 Growth-Encouraging Challenges for your consideration.

1. Learn a new skill. I kicked off 2015 and continued into 2016 not with a resolution, but with the goal of undertaking a project that would squeeze every last drop of brain power not sucked dry by the education system. Learning to code is most certainly living up to this goal. HTML, CSS, JavaScript, JQuery. I’m just getting started, but it already feels like I’ve gone a couple of rounds with a Lifetime TV Child Genius.

Maybe your challenge is not a new programming language. Maybe it’s a traditional language. Bonjour! Buenos dias! Guten Tag! Perhaps it’s learning to cook. Mayhap it’s learning to budget. Or maybe to knit. Or to become a more powerful public speaker. Whatever the skill, find something that you’re not traditionally “good at” and learn it. Because time is a precious resource and we can’t always afford to learn for the sake of learning, invest the effort, time, and possibly money in a skill that aligns with one or more of your long-term goals.

2. Take a trip. In 2011 a group of friends and I went on a whirlwind five-city tour that culminated in Cairo, Egypt. To refresh your memory, 2011 in Egypt was a year of civil unrest that toppled the 30-year reign of President Mubarak. I can’t say it was the most stress-free time to visit the country. We went through a metal detector before we could enter our hotel. When I jokingly asked what it was we were being screened for, the officer succinctly answered, “bombs”. Insert big, fearful eyes.

I’m not suggesting that you pack up and head to the nearest country facing political instability, but just go beyond Montreal or Cancun. Not that there’s anything wrong with either place. What I’m saying instead is to find your Egypt – someplace that readjusts your world view and leaves you with a new understanding of the things you take for granted. If Montreal is your Egypt, great, go! But if Montreal is your “they know me and I know them” default location, throw a dart on a map and land somewhere else.

3. Share yourself with others. When I clicked submit and officially entered the 2013 So You Think You Can Write Harlequin contest, my heart dropped to my stomach. I had yanked the door wide open for others to see my heart. To criticize. To judge. I took my writing – something that’s always been very personal to me and closely guarded – and shared it with an audience. But I needed that experience to give me the courage to work towards becoming a published author. Something that hasn’t happened yet, but now there’s no turning back from.

What are you fearful of sharing? Are you the soul-touching singer refusing to share your voice with an audience? Or the brilliant painter passing on the opportunity to display his work? Whatever the reason for your hesitation, why not make today the day to overcome it?

Remember that if doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.

So, what challenge will change you this year? What challenges have changed you in the past? How can you apply lessons from the past to grow this year?

Struggling to pay your student loans? Find the “extra”.

Let’s be honest. At times we complain about wanting things to change, but secretly want the change without the effort. Whether it’s weight loss, saving money, or paying off debt, sometimes we just want the issue to resolve itself without any sacrifice on our end.

Sometimes we’re simply too tired to keep trying. Too tired to keep giving up what we want now for what’s better for us in the long run.

I understand. I’ve had those moments. And had one recently that I had to push through.

While I celebrated that we were able to find the “extra” last month to make it rain $203 on Navient,

it was frustrating that we did so in part by reducing our personal ‘fun money’ (discretionary fund).

And with less money, comes less fun. At least in NYC.

I admit to stomping my feet and crying about life not being fair. But then came to my adult senses and snapped out of it.

Not having enough to do everything, I had to be strategic about how to use what I had left when it came time to hanging out with friends.

First, I couldn’t accept every invitation, unfortunately. Second, I had to schedule meetups after the start of a new budget. And third, I had to be straightforward about needing to work around limited funds.

Thankfully, my friends are Waldo-Geraldo-Faldo laid-back and just said “cool” and kept it moving.

It’s good to be surrounded by people who support instead of derail your goals.*

Student debt repayment is a commitment. Unless a rich eccentric aunt comes out of the woodwork to offer us a windfall, most of us won’t be rid of it overnight.

It’s okay if we get tired. To say it’s not worth doing more than the minimum. It’s okay to be frustrated in the moment. To walk away to clear our heads. Go for a run. Have a good cry. Play music. Read a book. Watch a silly movie.

And when we’ve done so, we can come back renewed and refocused on why this goal matters to us. And then we can keep going.

I’d love to hear your updates. What changes have you made recently to make it rain on your goals? Where are you finding the “extra”? How are you handling the too-tired days?

* 😦 Brittany Murphy. And I miss pre-Fox News Stacey Dash.